Remembering Maddie

My tears won't stop flowing.  I am crying a river about Maddie and her death but it feels really good to cry.  I can't remember the last time I felt this much sadness.  I also have feelings of anger and guilt.  I know that all these emotions are normal but it's been a rough couple of days.  There is a huge hole in my heart that is going to take a very long time to heal.  Our kids are a really nice distraction, otherwise I would probably lay in bed all day and cry.

Maddie was the most wonderful dog in every possible way.  She loved us all unconditionally and all she ever wanted was for us to hold her, snuggle her, or sleep with her.  She would chase after us every time we tried to leave and would jump into the car.  She loved sitting on the girls laps when they were in their car seats.  Maddie would snuggle up with Muffin in the dog bed together but her favorite spot was resting on Cory's head while he was sleeping.  If it was really cold out we'd put her doggie sweater on to warm her up.  I'm so sad that Ryder will never know Maddie because he really loved her.  He would point to her and say 'dog'.  He also loved grabbing her tail and she never once got angry with him.  Maddie wouldn't use our doggie door.  She would go to it, scratch the door, and wait for us to open it for her.  We used to joke that she was never really housebroken, but she was, she just was so small I think it was hard for her little body to open the dog door. 

We found Maddie from an ad in the San Diego newspaper.  I was in town for a girls weekend with my friends and Cory was there the same weekend but staying at his old house.  I woke up early Saturday morning and was browsing the classifieds and saw the ad about a male and female Malti-poo for sale.  I called Cory and told him to call the guy and check it out.  He went over and called me when he was there.  He said that the female puppy was so adorable.  Cory sat at the guy's house for over an hour and Maddie was in his hand and on his lap the entire time.  She felt at home right away and the bond was built.  He brought her back to AZ and she rode the entire way home on his lap.  When he arrived home with her I couldn't believe how small and adorable she was.  We tried to put her in the laundry room that first night to sleep but she was crying out for us so we let her sleep in our bed and that's where she slept from that day forward.  She was our first 'baby' and a huge step in our relationship.  Cory and I were still somewhat of a new couple but when we bought Maddie together it seemed like a really big commitment.  It was like saying, "Okay, we love each other so much and we know we're going to be together for the long haul.  We're ready to get a dog and start our life together."  It was an exciting time in our lives and I'm so grateful that we have those wonderful memories of Maddie to remember. 

Maddie, we love you so much and miss you more than you will ever know.  I know we'll see you in heaven someday soon and we'll find you for a good snuggle session.

 Her most favorite spot in the entire world.

Keeping watch over baby Ryan as she sleeps.

Look at that scruffy little face.  These were taken at the girls' newborn photo shoot in Nov. 2006.

Reese & Maddie together.

Muffin and Maddie together in their dog bed.  October 2005.  Just a little puppy.

 

Spring 2008.  The girls loved taking Maddie & Muffin for 'walks'.

This one below was taken the first week we had her.  I think she weighed about 2 lbs. 

More snuggles with Daddy.

Smooches with Mommy.  This was Christmas 2005.

Ryder, the girls, and Maddie in Feb. 2010.  She was always right by our side.